by Laura Bloom, MSW, on July 17, 2017
What causes poverty? Is it growing up poor? How about growing up as part of an ethnic or power minority? Perhaps lack of access to an education? I am currently, simultaneously, typing on my computer while watching TV commercials: there’s a happy mother vacuuming as her children, husband and dog leave a trail of crumbs behind on the carpet. There’s a fussy mom choosing peanut butter and another dad taking pictures of a happy mom and child and then transferring his pictures to his computer. Most households, I must than conclude, consist of bright happy families, a dad, mom and two children, who gratefully consume products and services. Except that two parent families are in decline and are now a minority. Most households, fifty seven percent, consist of only one or two adults. Households with children, although a minority at forty-three percent, do consist of a growing segment of the population: poor mothers and their children.
Once upon a time my dreams came true. I was married. I still am. The day of my wedding was magical. White dress, bridesmaids, my husband by my side, friends and family in attendance. I wanted my wedding to formalize this new stage in my life, to introduce a new “us” to family and friends. Suddenly, though, a formerly silent world opened up in front of me. A bed room scattered with Ken and Barbie dolls, easy bake ovens, and dolls that you fed, changed and pulled on a string, on their back, only to hear them repeat the word “mama” over and over again.
I remember playing mommy and daddy with my best friend Debbie: I would serve her a hearty breakfast made in the miniature replica of a kitchen that we both had, toast it up nice and (very) brown in my ever present oven and serve it up to her as she would prepare to walk out the door, on her way to work. “Have a nice day” I would intone. I would then industriously begin to prepare dinner in anticipation of my ‘husband’s” arrival home from work. I must admit though that soon into breakfast this game would end as Debbie and I would veer our attention off into the next game. We also practiced being brides, choosing our bridal dresses, shoes and menus for that all important day. And now, as I looked out on the filled banquet hall I could feel myself suddenly shrinking back into that 10 year old little girl, standing in her mother’s white heels and dress. Suddenly, long silent childhood hopes and dreams began to take over.
I wanted to be a beautiful bride, carried away in a horse drawn carriage to live happily ever after. The day had to be perfect. As it got closer to the wedding date I began to feel like a “wedding mole.” Somebody who, when pressed into service, had become someone else. A cold war bridal operative who suddenly expected, on her wedding day, that the pumpkins would turn into a carriage and the mice would suddenly morph into horses. What would happen next? Would I break out into song, perhaps something about finding my prince? At least I had won the argument with my mom; the wedding reception would have an open bar.
And they all lived happily after. Here’s where I think fantasy and reality may drastically part ways. The marriage fantasy can change dramatically after children. This road may not only be a rite of passage for women; it can lead to an uncertain future for a woman and her children. As the life expectancy of most marriages hovers at around a 50% and women, after a divorce, tend to retain physical custody of the couple’s children some statistics begin to emerge:
Women are paid around 22% less than men for the same work. Women tend to find their way to lower paying fields such as jobs in social work and education. 1 Out of the minority of forty-three percent of households that still have children present in the home, a majority of these are single parent, female headed households. Seventy three percent of these households live at or below the poverty level 2; so that a majority of children who live in female headed households are growing up, living in poverty.
Perhaps happily ever after is a fantasy, but for a woman and her children, it may not only be the end of an illusion, it may also be the beginning of her downfall.
References:
1. Peter Coy, Elizabeth Dwoskin, June 21, 2012. Shortchanged: Why Women get paid less than Men.
2. Elliott, Diana B. and Tavia Simmons. 2011. Marital Events of Americans: 2009, American Community Survey Reports, ACS-13. U.S. Census Bureau, Washington, DC.
